compassion

A small thing from this weekend: self-compassion

I am way too hard on myself sometimes. I think we all expect a lot from ourselves and often get frustrated because we don’t always live up to that expectation.

While I’m in the emotional state I’m in, there is no way I can do everything I was doing the way I was doing it. My life will never be the same.

I will never be the same.

In wading through the waters of grief I’ve been discovering a few things. One of them is self-compassion.

I was describing all that I was worried about and my mountain of a to-do list and a friend just said, “Be nice to you!”

That resonated with me. It is unrealistic for me to think I can do it all while I’m deeply upset. But the hard part is actually letting go of things in order to be nice to myself! It seems it would be easy…

One of the first things I gave myself permission to do is to put a hold on cloth diapers for a while. I looove using cloth diapers, but keeping up with the laundry was too much for me. So even though I hate spending more money on diapers right now, it is freeing to not be doing extra loads of laundry.

I also left Jonathan alone Friday night so I could have some social time. I felt bad not spending time with Jonathan, but after he basically kicked me out I decided it was a good thing!

I’m also starting to follow what my body is telling me I need. If I need a nap, I nap when George naps. If all I want to do is vedge on the couch, I do it. Instead of having an incessant mantra of ‘You should be doing something productive’, I replace it with, ‘you should do what you need to do.”

I’m not perfect at it, but it definitely has eased some stress. And that’s really all I can ask for at this point.

How can you be nice to yourself today?

When there is compassion in your heart, you need only to breathe in and out and look deeply, and understanding will come. You will understand yourself and become compassionate toward yourself; you will know how to handle your suffering and take care of yourself.” –Thich Nhat Hanh from Be Free Where You Are

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