small pieces of joy

pieces of joy in each day


on December 11, 2013

Today’s small thing: advent

O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

I always love this Advent carol. It is ancient and beautiful and the lyrics are thought provoking. Listening to this today I really started to understand the sentiment of the advent season.

It is a preparation. We are in darkness. We are waiting for the light. We are wandering, searching for hope. Hope is coming. But it isn’t here yet…not until Christ is born. Which is in 14 days.

I feel the exact same way. I’m in darkness. I’m waiting for the light. I’m wandering, searching for hope. I haven’t been able to feel joy lately. I smile sometimes, I laugh periodically. But I haven’t been feeling the joy that everyone claims happens in the ‘holiday season’ leading up to Christmas.

I think I’ve figured out why. Well, one big reason is because Dad isn’t here. But I think another factor is that we’re still in Advent. We’re still waiting, preparing. Christmas is not here yet, and the Joy of Christmas comes when Christmas is actually here, the day of Jesus’ birth.

I know it is just a day, Jesus is already here and all that technical stuff. But the way that we celebrate each year is a reminder of what the first Christmas was like. Everyone was waiting for the Savior, and they didn’t celebrate Him until he was actually among them. And I hope that maybe because I feel so dark, lonely in my grief now, that possibly I feel like many did before Jesus came. And I will feel the joy on Christmas day. Maybe.

I don’t think I’ll be as overjoyed as they were, since I already know He is here, but I think I might be able to find some happiness, even with the huge hole in my heart. Hoping that maybe things will get better. Remembering that the true joy is in the coming of the Savior of the world.

And Dad is with Him.

P.S. All of my posts about my grieving process are meant to help you understand what I’m going through. I need you to know that I am doing the best I can and that it may sound that I’m not doing well, but I’m just being honest about my feelings. Nothing is really going to make me better except time. And the support of you!


2 responses to “Advent

  1. Keithy says:

    Sugarland version IS THE BEST! The way it is a little dark and how they shout REJOICE! and then quiet rejoice. Awesome.

    I feel the same about not feeling joy…it’s mostly due to mourning the loss of our dad, but it is interesting how the Advent season we are searching for, longing for joy and that is how this grieving feels…waiting for the joy again.

    George helps with that joy a little. 🙂


  2. Kathy Flentie says:

    You have my support forever. You have my ears to listen, and my eyes to read. As each one of you experiences your grief differently you’ll need patience with each other. You and your brothers have forged a bond that is now indestructible! What a solid foundation you all have to build your individual futures upon… you can see your mother smiling at each one of you, but your dad is smiling upon you, also! God bless you! Keith is so right, George brings so much joy and laughter to the world! Love you all, Kathy F.


Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: