small pieces of joy

pieces of joy in each day

let the Lord enter

on December 20, 2013

Today’s small thing: a realization

It has been a huge challenge for me to pray for the longest time. Probably since Dad and Grandpa’s diagnosis. It isn’t that I don’t believe in God. It isn’t that I don’t love Him. It is just we’re having a misunderstanding. And because of that, it has been hard for me to talk to Him.

But lately I have found that this complete absence of conversation with Him has left me pretty alone in my suffering. It is hard to talk to my family about it because we are all so consumed with grief that we can’t comfort each other, no matter how much we want to. And I am not ready to really discuss things with many people, so its pretty lonely.

Thankfully Advent came which was a perfect time to take up reading the Bible again. I use the US Conference of Catholic Bishops website to listen to and read the daily readings, and I’ve been trying to read some meditations to go along with the daily readings.

I was explaining this to a friend, how I feel like I’m not necessarily talking to God still, but I’m allowing Him to talk to me, if He chooses.

This was a huge realization, and a welcome one! It means that my wall might be slowly breaking down. Slowly. I still sometimes look at a reading or reflection and say , ‘yeah right’, or ‘I can’t do that’, but I am glad to be listening again.  I’ve been seeing how God wants to be with me in this suffering and help me through it. But I have to let Him in.

All of this was reaffirmed today.

What is the response for the psalm today? “Let the Lord enter, He is the King of Glory.”

Hopefully I can imitate Mary’s “Yes” and let Him back in. And maybe, just maybe, it will be a two way street.

*Prayers would be appreciated for many things in the next few weeks. Safe travels, comfort while celebrating Christmas without Dad, and peace while trying to split time amongst many family members. Thank you! And Merry Christmas.

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2 responses to “let the Lord enter

  1. Teri Kelly says:

    Additional prayers will be coming your way this week. Love, Teri

    Like

  2. lisa Osborn says:

    always in my prayers and thoughts..Love you lady!

    Like

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