small pieces of joy

pieces of joy in each day

control

on January 8, 2015

I’ve learned many things since losing Dad and Grandpa. Some of them I’ve blogged about already but one I’ve been hesitant to share. Not because I don’t think it is an important lesson, but because it is so personal and revealing. Plus it might give me more accountability, which of course is a scary thing!

Being faced with mortality has done a lot to me physically, mentally, spiritually, all the ‘ally’ words, really. In some ways it has been close to depressing, but in other ways it has been a good motivator.

If I only live to be 54 like Dad, what kind of life do I want to live? Was I living that life before Dad got sick? What can I do to make sure I live the life I want?

There are so many things that are not in my control. I’ve been spending a lot of time worrying about those things, with nothing to show for it.

WORRYING-IS-LIKE-PRAYING-FOR-WHAT-YOU-DON-T-WANT-Framed-Quote-306{source}

The phrase “worrying is like praying for something you don’t want” has entered my thoughts many times, but the worrying is still hard to shake.

Here is the important thing.

There are so many things that are in my control. Taking this as my mantra for the past few months, life has been a little easier, and a little brighter.

Part of taking control for me has been identifying the things that cause me stress and then finding ways to eradicate the problem. The other part is telling myself the extra work will be worth it! Here are a few things that have been stressful for me, and how I’ve slowly taken control.

1. I’m frustrated that I don’t have a big house with all the nice things.  A bigger house is not in the cards right now (sigh) so I had to identify ways to make the place feel bigger because we’re quickly outgrowing our two bedroom apartment. It is really difficult to stop the house envy, especially when most people my age own their own homes. I can’t change that, however, so I have to change what I have. We have done some rearranging and donating and trashing, so hopefully in the next few months the place will feel bigger, and maybe look nicer with some new furniture, curtains, and artwork.

2. I gained a lot of weight after having a baby and living a life of stress for two years. Most women aim to lose all their baby weight right after pregnancy. Well, a month after having George, Dad got sick, and for the next year I was back and forth to KC as well as trying to be a new mom, and of course eating my emotions. Not the best weight management conditions. So to take control of this I started seeing a wellness coach and nutritionist. So far so good—after drinking more water and eating more veggies I’m more than 5 pounds lighter and closer to my goal of being healthier. It is so nice to have a few people encouraging me to take these small steps to feeling better about myself.

3. I can’t keep my house clean. This has been a life long issue, just ask my former roommates. But when I’m already stressed and I live in a messy place, it makes it hard to ever feel relaxed and happy. The idea of keeping every room in my house spotless is daunting. So, I started small and I just aim to have the kitchen clean each night. Dishes done and counters wiped. That’s it. And that’s really all I’ve been able to do, but it is a tiny success. I’ll take it.

Those are a few of the many things I want to take control of, but my wellness coach says three goals is just enough to start. So there I start on my quest to take control.

What are some things you can take control of today?

P.S. Here are a few books I’ve been reading lately: The Blue Zones:9 Lessons for Living Longer and Thirsting for Prayer

And here is a website for setting your personal goals for this year The Best Year Yet

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One response to “control

  1. Grandma says:

    Good for you, keep it up, you can accomplish anything you want, I should take your example and get some things done here that I keep putting off! love you. grandma.

    Like

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