small pieces of joy

pieces of joy in each day

day of fathers

on June 17, 2018

Hello everyone. I’m writing from the driver’s seat of my van parked under a tree at a cemetery. I just spent about 20 minutes sitting in the bright sun absorbing the heat next to my dad’s gravesite. I brought a hot cup of coffee (how did I forget it was so hot out?) and a delicious sausage egg and cheese crossaint. My time was a mixture of tears, laughs, and pleasant smiles as my range of emotions played out while talking with Dad. 

This is not how I want to spend Father’s Day with my dad. I really want him to be attending the cookout his sister is hosting this evening. I want to hear his voice when I ask him about the Royals. I want to feel his hug when we say hello and goodbye. I want to see his sly grin and hear his laugh when wrestling with my kids on the floor. 

It does me a lot of good to think of these things, even though it’s sad and often very hard. It is good because I allow myself to feel what I need to feel. It is important to know that loss is not something that goes away with time. It is always there (which sucks…) and there will always be moments of sadness….but it becomes more manageable with time as life moves forward and new joys are found. I just have to make sure I allow myself to feel the reality of losing my dad so they don’t get surpressed and display themselves in other ways. 

Even though Father’s Day is a challenging day—it cannot be escaped because it is all around—I actually appreciate the time to allow myself to think about Dad, the good, the bad, the ugly, the sad. 

And remind myself that joy is right there too. 

If you’re missing your dad today, I’m praying for you. I hope you find a way to feel close to him today. Even if that means getting sunburned and overheated while visiting the cemetery. 😉

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