support with action

Yesterday I shared a blog post discussing the phrase, “Let me know if you need anything,” as a response when we hear of someone facing a difficult challenge.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I woke up at two in the morning and wrote four pages in my journal about the topic, feeling inspired the whole time to share my thoughts on the blog. Not because I don’t say the phrase, I do.  I am becoming much more aware when I say it, and I’m working on turning my words into action. Especially since there were many times during Dad’s sickness, and mourning his death, where I have learned the importance of action to show support.

I want to share the many ways people did take those words and put them into action for me and my family. I’d also like to share how I am working on tangibly showing support to people I know facing difficult times.

So here is what I wrote early this morning. I hope you find some inspiration and feel more empowered to help those in need more tangibly, and learn that asking for/accepting help is a sign of strength which gives others an opportunity to do good.

“The post I shared on Facebook yesterday struck a chord with me because of the post’s accuracy.

While this phrase does let people know you care and want to help–

we sometimes don’t know what we need,

aren’t comfortable telling the little, and big, things we might need help with,

and will forget who offered!

And that is such a lost opportunity for both the offerer (losing a chance to do good for someone), and the one struggling (losing a chance for some much needed help.)

Some of the best things people did for me and my family while Dad was sick, and even a year later, were the things we didn’t ask for, or that we finally learned we were worthy of asking for.

• visits from friends, family, and other random guests
• gift cards to grocery store, local restaurants, gas stations
• meals multiple times a week
• cards almost daily of well wishes and sometimes silly things
• emails/texts/phone calls asking how we were doing
• cleaning our house, fixing things, while we were gone on vacation!
• donating a maid service
• putting up christmas lights/yard work

The list could continue, if I spent more time thinking.

Living 600 miles away I sometimes felt displaced from the support my family was getting, but my friends found ways to help me even from a distance. They organized so one person would write me a letter each week. Sometimes they were filled with encouraging words, other times it was a simple update on life. I loved how those letters brought a little of normal back into my life when things felt anything but. A local friend gave me a care package full of snacks, relaxing spa masks, a funny movie, a magazine, and other things that made me smile. Another friend would bring food over or come have tea and just listen to me talk about everything or nothing. Someone sent me a book of inspiring quotes. I also received cards, gift cards, and notes reminding me they were praying for me and my family.

There were times where I wondered if anyone cared. If people really did want to support me, or if they even knew how difficult life was for me.

All of these things, these actions, were big and small ways to physically show me that people cared, that they did know my life was hard at that moment, and they were walking with me.

In times when I am so lost within my struggle, it is my biggest desire to see a glimmer of hope–in a phone call, a card, a meal, in a bag of gummy bears.

That is what I really need. HOPE. Knowing I am not alone in my struggle.

Now what? How can we start being more intentional with helping those who need support?

Here is how I’ve been working to actively provide support for someone going through a difficult time. Remember, I’m not very good at this, but I’m trying.

I love numbered lists, so you’re getting one today.

1. Identify the situation and place yourself there—what would YOU need?

What would make a hospital room feel more cozy? What would bring a smile to my face if I were deeply sad? What would help me relax in the midst of caring for a sick loved one? If you know someone who has been in that situation—ask them for what helped. I have researched online ideas for care packages and gifts for people in different situations. It can be a great springboard for ideas.

2. Decide what you are best able to do.

You know your strengths, so use them in this situation! Are you able to make a meal for the family? Would sending a meal (Jack Stack!) or gift card for food better fit your comfort zone or the family’s schedule? Can you send a card periodically letting them know you’re thinking of them? Are you good at spending time with people? Can you call, visit, email once a week to check in? Can you commit to praying for them daily or offer a small sacrifice in their honor? Can you pull them out of their mess for an hour and take them shopping or to a movie? Can you drive them or a family member somewhere? Or babysit the kids for an hour? Are you good at yard work or handy around the house? Maybe you could wash their sheets and towels? If you don’t have a lot of money to send gifts, what can you do for them that doesn’t cost anything?

The options are so large once I started noticing the things my family needed that had almost nothing to do with caring for/missing Dad. It was all about helping to make life easier, no matter how small the task.

3. Communicate with the person/family what you want to do.

Sometimes a thing you want to do might be too personal or might not fit exactly what the family wants, so talking with them (or if there is a contact person organizing help) is important. We had many friends who told us what they were going to do, and it was awesome! They didn’t ask, “Do you want me to go to the grocery store for you?” they said, “I’m dropping some groceries off at your house today, what can I get you?” This was amazing because it left little room to feel guilty, or for us to say no to something we really needed. The one I loved the most was, “I’m taking you out, what day and time are you available?” How can I say no to that??

Obviously every person/family is different. But I feel even discerning the tangible ways you can support will begin to take the words of “let me know if you need anything” closer to action.

An action of love and support that will give people what they need.”

What are some other actions of support you would suggest? What helped you when you were going through a tough time? 

---